Who did Billy Mays play for?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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