grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
