I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
