So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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