I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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