I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
