someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Randomize
