Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
