Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize