I swear she didn't look like that last week.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
