your thong is hanging out like whoa
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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