ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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