No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
