Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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