Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
