I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize