no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
