I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
