I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
