I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
