dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
