Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
