she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize