brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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