Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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