she was so not down for the gang bang
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
