Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
