I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
