I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
