he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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