My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
