Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
