alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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