Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
