what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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