dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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