He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
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