just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
