Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
