I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize