$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
