Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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