you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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