idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.Â
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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