Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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