oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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