I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
These tits shall not be calmed
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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