smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
