I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize