I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
