My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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