i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
