How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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