she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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