I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize