no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
