It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
