Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
