pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
