Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
we're so committed to being not committed
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
