I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
