You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
4 words: hood of his car
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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