That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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