How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I have fence marks all over my body
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
