but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
