I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
