took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
