I didn't shave. On purpose
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
