I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
