If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
