they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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