I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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