I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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