The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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