glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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