her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My penis needs a shock collar
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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