You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
