We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize