Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize