sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
