And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
