Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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