I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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