i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Mom said you looked used
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
