Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
