but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
