I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
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