I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
