Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
