We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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