1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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