9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
