All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
