I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
