She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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