I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
