I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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