Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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