I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
