dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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