Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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