John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just gargled with NyQuil
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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