i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
