i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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