we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
