i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
