White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
