didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
