i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
We smell like vodka and hangover
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