I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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