I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I got inside last night via doggy door
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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