she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
