You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
