He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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