He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
