I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
