I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
