Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
