i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
